Saturday, May 15, 2010

Six new links

Today's linky love.

  • Jane Watkinson's blog that I linked to in the last post has moved here.
  • Which reminds me I've moved my Green Party links to a special page.
  • If you didn't hear Caroline Lucas on Any Questions last night it's well worth checking out.
  • What is the new government plans for the NHS. Tax Research UK.
  • The Guardian on Lib Dem deserters. They don't list themselves.
  • And Caroline Lucas in the New Statesman.
I thought the last link was interesting when Caroline was asked "Who are your allies at Westminster?" she replies "We are a party of the left: as well as environmental policies, the issues we're standing on are fairness and social justice. That said, we will support issues on a case-by-case basis."

Friday, May 14, 2010

Today's selected links

A few more links, a few more posts on the general election over the weekend and then it's back to 'normal' service I reckon.

  • Some Lib Dems are leaving the party in disgust, but where to? BBC and blogger.
  • On a similar topic James, of Two Doctors fame, tries his hand a fair and balanced appraisal.
  • Stoke BNP man Nazi salutes with wrong arm. BBC
  • Splintered Sunrise invites us to meet our new overlords.
  • Scottish Socialist Colin Fox congratulates Caroline Lucas.
  • Richard Osley looks at whether Lynne Featherstone's claims on the new coalition stack up.
On a related note I notice that elsewhere in the world the Greens get air traffic controllers to run for them. Things must be different in Canada - good luck Steven!

Message from No2ID

Before we get all weepy about the Labour defeat it's worth remembering that not everything they got up to was bona fide. No, there was the odd occasion when solid lefties were apprehensive about their behaviour. A murder here, a child detention there - you know the sort of thing.

Earlier today I received a message from the campaign group No2ID which rightly celebrates the culmination of years of campaigning on their part.

Dear supporter,

After six hard years of campaigning, the publication of the Conservative &
Liberal Democrats coalition agreement [1] is a moment to pause and celebrate
what we have achieved so far. NO2ID's success is a tribute to each and every
person who has fought to change the hearts and minds of their friends,
family and colleagues, local and national media, politicians, parties and
government - and to everyone who has given so generously in money to allow
us to run an office, send mailings, and produce briefings and leaflets.

Guy Herbert, our General Secretary, and I would like to express our deepest
gratitude for everyone's continued support and hard work, particularly the
dozens who have volunteered in some way to keep all the invisible parts of a
national campaign running. But I'm afraid we cannot afford to be complacent:
NO2ID's work is far from done.

The database state has insinuated itself into far too many aspects of our
everyday lives for it to simply wither and die, even were some of its more
visible tendrils to be lopped off or pruned back. Even during the election,
despite the parties now in government being skeptical about it, Connecting
for Health was pushing forward with its vast plan [2] to nationalise and
centralise all medical records in England.

The new government's commitment to "a full programme of measures to reverse
the substantial erosion of civil liberties under the Labour Government and
roll back state intrusion" is reason to be cautiously optimistic. But the
promised repeals and reforms MUST be worked out in detail, if they are to
have the necessary effect. Pressure MUST be maintained for them to be
enacted... and properly enforced.

Don't imagine for a moment that Whitehall will give up its pet projects,
empires or agendas without a fight - battles for which we know it has been
preparing for years. Nor should we expect the political, commercial and
media proponents of database state initiatives to stand quietly by. The
official obsession with identity and information-sharing, the very idea that
"personal information is the lifeblood of government" still remains.

Stopping the database state is not just a matter of scrapping a few
high-profile databases - as welcome as this will be. It means changing the
culture of showing "ID" at every turn [3], embedding proper protections in
law, in institutions and technology, and achieving real control over our own
information. The nature of the campaign, too, may change, as it becomes even
more a matter of education and forming public policy and less of organising
direct resistance.

The new government says it will take the first steps towards protecting our
privacy and autonomy, and needs to be held to that. Rolling back the
database state will involve further long and difficult battles, but what we
have proved is that - working together - this is a war that very definitely
CAN be won.

Phil Booth, National Coordinator, NO2ID

Thursday, May 13, 2010

Today's miscellany

A few more election links that people might be interested in;

  • The BBC looks at bloggers' views on the election, including some edited thoughts from me.
  • Left futures on the Liberal coalition narratives.
  • Chris Dillow thinks that the coalition will be a stable one.
  • Jill Rutter asks, which way now for immigration policy?
  • Splintered Sunrise thinks the election result is shit on toast.
  • Gaping silence has an apology to make, and he makes it.
I've been reading the responses of Lib Dems on their new cabinet positions and it makes really interesting reading. There are a number of activists and councillors leaving the party as you might expect, but most activists, even those that I would classify as on the left of the party are accepting the deal. Indeed every single Lib Dem MP has officially accepted the deal.

This stands in strong contrast to many of the people who weren't members of the party but who did vote Lib Dem this time who have been positively raging about the whole thing. On this I definitely do not blame Nick Clegg - he was upfront from the start. Almost the first thing he did in the election campaign was to praise Margaret Thatcher.

Those who voted Lib Dem and now feel betrayed were voting for a party that they hoped existed despite the evidence. The contradictions of the good and bad points of the Lib Dems were there to see, but many of these people decided to only see what they wanted to see. Clegg warned them, and on this was 100% honest - people just didn't want to believe it.

So happened in the UK election?

Well, a week has passed and the government is formed, so it's probably time to do a proper assessment of what happened in the general election. I'll write some separate posts on particular aspects of the results but thought it might be useful to provide a bit of an overview.

Taking a look at the results it seems to me that there was more than one election being fought depending on what part of country you were living in. If you were in Scotland not a single seat changed hands, and whilst there was some slight movement in the polls (with the Lib Dems slipping into second place) it was all much of a muchness - no feel of an historic election there at all.

If, like me, you live in London we saw something quite, quite different. In the central, traditionally Labour areas there was an extraordinary swing back to Labour. These were, of course, already Labour held seats (apart from Bethnal Green and Bow) so the electoral system meant that these swathes of voters coming out to keep the Tories from power did not end up influencing the Parliamentary vote.

What they *did* do is significantly effect the council elections, which were held on the same day. London as a whole saw Labour win back a large number of councils a leap forwards that came at the cost of all the others parties.

If we look at the following list of council seats in London we can see that the Lib Dems lost almost one in four of their councillors on a day that was meant to be their day, the Tories lost out and the minor parties and independents whether Respect, Green or BNP were pretty much flattened.

Labour 873 (+191)
Tory 712 (-67)
Lib Dem 241 (-74)
Assorted Independents/Residents 17 (-10)
Green 2 (-10)
Respect 1 (-14)
BNP 0 (-14)
Christian 0 (-3)
Socialist 0 (-2)

On the edges of London this effect was far less pronounced and the Tories gained seven seats in the outer ring of London where there has been much less of a Labour base to mobilise.

In the rest of England, outside of the larger cities, the story was quite different. There it was the Tories who carried the day, but not with such momentum that they were unbeatable and the Labour vote was still pretty resilient.

Certainly Greens managed to win council seats in new areas like Watford, Cambridge and Reading so the general election pull was far less strong there than in London. Although it should be pointed out that the Green vote proportion at the General was often down from last time around (Norwich and Cambridge are two exceptions that spring to mind).

This is partly down to the political terrain of the election, of course, but also the specific targeted strategy that the Greens have taken over the last few years that said it is better win a seat than get a general raising up of the vote across the board. That first Parliamentary seat is going to be extremely significant over the next five years in a way that an extra 0.3% of the national vote share would not have been, but it's still hard to take if you're not in the winning seat.

In Wales Labour was wiped out in the central more rural areas and was left with the very North and very South of the region. While the results look quite a bit like most English results Plaid, who were lowering expectations long before the results were in, actually gained a seat if not votes managing to benefit during an election that was pretty much about the main two parties.

I'll look at the Irish bit of the election separately as it's interesting but the landscape seems very different.

The overwhelming theme of the election though, perhaps unsurprisingly was who is going to be the largest party. Even the Lib Dems found themselves squeezed in that vice and although people were very open to the idea that the two largest parties are a bit bloody useless last Thursday was certainly about them and nobody else.

The Tories may have got most votes, but their election was not convincing with large parts of the country still a foreign country to them. Of all the parties it is probably Labour who performed the best. This election was always going to be that of the condemned for them - but the scale of their defeat was nowhere near as heavy as it could have been.

Wednesday, May 12, 2010

Where now for progressive Lib Dems?

This just in from the press office: Greens issue "big, open, and comprehensive offer" to Lib Dems dismayed by Nick Clegg’s support of Tories

Following Clegg’s betrayal, Liberal Democrat members are urged to “support the party of change – not the party that changes its mind all the time”

Yesterday evening's announcement of a deal between the Tories and the Lib Dems should be a wake-up call to Lib Dem supporters, said Britain’s Greens this morning – and the Greens issued a "big, open, and comprehensive offer" to Liberal Democrat members and voters to come and join the Greens and campaign for real democratic change, real action to tackle poverty, and real action on climate change.

The offer was made jointly by the Green Party of England and Wales and the Scottish Green Party. Caroline Lucas MP, leader of the Green Party of England and Wales, said:

“The Lib Dems have shown themselves to be not so much a party of change as a party of changing its mind.

“The Lib Dems have made themselves known as a party of dirty tricks in election campaigns. But now Nick Clegg has carried out the biggest Lib Dem dirty trick so far, betraying all those people who voted Lib Dem because they honestly thought it would bring about electoral reform.”
Patrick Harvie MSP said:
"This is an extraordinary decision by the Lib Dem leadership, and thousands of their activists and voters will feel heavily betrayed today. Many explicitly campaigned as the best way to keep the Tories out of power, as a party of radical change and a party of principle, and they have now been completely let down by Nick Clegg and his top team. These members and supporters did not work hard over the last weeks and months to see their party become a wholly-owned subsidiary of the Tories.

"We would therefore like to make a big, open and comprehensive offer to Lib Dem supporters to come now and talk to the Greens instead. Many former Lib Dem members have already found a long-term home with the Greens, including former Lib Dem Councillors. Thousands of Lib Dems will be unable to stomach this decision to put David Cameron's Tories into power, and it's time for them to consider coming home to the Greens.

"On several crucial points we have significant common ground, ground the Tories will never concede through this Westminster stitch-up. We back true constitutional reform, not only proportional representation but also fixed-term Parliaments, a written constitution, votes at 16, limits on corporate donations to political parties, and a whole host of other measures dear to Lib Dem activists' hearts. We support a fairer taxation system too, where those on the highest incomes start to pay their fair share, something the Tories' donors will never permit them to consider. On the environment, we've stood up against a litany of climate-wrecking projects, including those which were approved by Lib Dem ministers in Scotland to the dismay of their members. We're the only political party offering an economic policy which is consistent with environmental politics.

"With the election of Caroline Lucas as the UK's first Green MP, we've shown that radical Green politics can also win popular support at all levels. We are also a truly democratic party, our members set policy in public at conference, and we can be relied on not to sell out. Above all we would never deliver power to the Tories, a party still alien and unacceptable to most Scots. This Lib Dem/Tory deal is the final confirmation that those wanting change will always be shut out by the three big parties at Westminster, and today's decision will be the death-knell for the Lib Dems here in Scotland."
I've lost count of the number of times I was told by Lib Dem activists that a Liberal-Tory coalition was impossible because it would have to go through the members, and they'd never allow it. So much for that theory.

Tuesday, May 11, 2010

Caught in the headlights of a Tory government

Prior to the election there were some on the left who would hold up the ragged scarecrow corpse of Thatcher and wail that we're all doomed if Cameron got in. I went to a Keep the NHS Public meeting tonight and there were a couple of people there who seemed to have the view that we're all doomed.

Now, first of all, if there is a rumble to be had let's not go into it with our head in our hands. That's not the fighting spirit is it?

Secondly, to a certain extent this result makes things much clearer. Cuts and privatisation were on the menu no matter who won this election. The result simply determined the colour of the executioner's hood.

What the result does mean is that Labour Party members, cllrs and MPs as well as some trade union branches will be less 'confused' when the cuts come. It will be easier for them to join in campaigns to save hospital units or protest against public sector layoffs when it isn't "their" government that they are having to fight.

As a campaigner I'd far rather have good Labour Party supporters with me than vacillating on the sidelines looking guilty and sick as they try to persuade me to be realistic as their government obliterates some public service or other.

The potential Lib Dem-Tory coalition will not be as daunting to face off than the 1979 Tory Party with its whopping majority. It wont have the confidence, it doesn't have a proper plan, and there is a real potential to exploit the cracks between the parties, especially as the Lib Dems are likely to be thrown into a crisis with this shoddy decision.

It's not good news. They are a shower of shits. But they are a shower of shits we can beat if we keep it together and keep on fighting for what is right.

More election Misc

A few more spots from out and about on the election;

  • Paul Steadman, Caroline Lucas' campaign manager has an interview in Total Politics.
  • Lessons of Labour wins in London. Dave Hill.
  • Scottish politics, the same but different. Guardian.
  • Lib Dem blogger Mark Pack is a very nice man. He says he's proud of his party. You decide.
  • The Lib Dems are to consult their members on the Tory deal. Gary Gibbon takes a look.
  • UK Polling Report looks at the public preferences on potential coalitions.
So it looks like we're about to get a Tory - Lib Dem coalition. If you're regretting voting Lib Dem now can I just say, Clegg did tell you this was a possibility, you just didn't want to believe it. Too late, but try not to vote for them again, thanks.

The three elections that didn't happen

One of the things this elections shows is that the media is utterly self obsessed and acts as an echo chamber repeating itself so often that it's convinced it must be right. However, there are three clear examples where what the media was telling us clearly never came to pass.

  • The twitter election
This was meant to be the first bloggers' election, but in reality it was not the new media that helped define the election but the old media, TV, and the old style campaigning of leaflets, door knocking and getting party activists out there.

Of all the most excitable memes on twitter 'nickcleggsfault' made absolutely zero impact except to convince Lib Dems that they were heading for a record breaking victory that never happened. It was *fun* but it wasn't effective.

To a certain extent the bigger bloggers are either only talking to convinced politicos already - which is a good audience, but it's a hard one to win over. There was also an element of media bubblery about some of the postings too. Recommending to parties to go door knocking was one memorable instance of hilarity.

These blogs are influential in the long term, and I'm a great fan, but there was no viral video or consistent breaking news coming from the social media election that substantially effected the vote.
  • Clegg-o-mania
Labour was going to come third in the vote and the Lib Dems were on an unstoppable yellow surge remember. Remember? Well, it was a few weeks ago that we were told that this was the Lib Dems' election, but that didn't happen - in fact in London they found themselves decidedly crushed on various councils and moving backwards in seats their leaflets had proudly proclaimed only they could win.

The fact is that Clegg had taken the Lib Dems into a slump in the polls, because he's not a very good leader, and the last minute bump (which did exist) allowed the Lib Dems to climb back to exactly where they were when they had a proper politician in charge. Those were the days.
  • Anti-politics
For more than a year now we've been told that there is a mood of anti-politics where people are rejecting the traditional parties in favour of independent minded dudes and dudettes. However, while there is an interesting shift in public opinion about politicians, the evidence of this election is that quite the reverse took place.

Turnout was up and the vote share of the three main parties together slipped down a fractional 1.4%. It was the fringe right that saw the largest boost to their overall vote, despite not winning seats.

Where were the independents though? Hardly any of note stood at all. Esther Rantzen was the only new one who really impinged on people's consciousness and she didn't even get her deposit back. The most successful new entry was John Stevens in Buckingham who got over 20% of the vote but barely anyone outside of the constituency even knew he was standing.

For information he's an ex-Tory MEP who stood against speaker John Bercow and was ably assisted by a man in a dolphin suit who went by the name 'Flipper the dolphin'. Video evidence. Stevens actually did rather well as he was fighting the well funded campaign of UKIP at the same time forcing them to nosedive into third place.

Of the three existing independent MPs who were defending their seats all polled well but lost out. Hospital campaigner Dr Richard Taylor was defeated by the Tories in Kiddeminster, left-winger Dai Davies in Blaenau Gwent was taken down by Labour and right wing Tory splitter Bob Spink lost his seat in Castle Point.

Monday, May 10, 2010

Review: Four Lions

I was going to make a joke about films bombing, but then I thought that might be in bad taste so instead I'm going to review Four Lions (trailer), the Chris Morris black comedy about a cell of Islamic terrorists whose plans to commit a suicide bombing go hilariously awry.

It's very good.


As a fan of writer and director Chris Morris I expected it to be funny and full of bleak juxtapositions, what I hadn't expected Four Lions so strangely moving at times.

Four Lions beautifully seduces you into the world of the buddy movie, with glorious moments of fun and mundanity like that pictured, when the cell are on the way to commit their ultimate outrage, and joyously sing-a-long to 'Dancing in the moonlight' on the radio. It serves to undermine the idea that terrorists are inhuman, remorseless fiends that have society at their mercy.

But these moments can be shockingly cut short by death, or horror or rage. Or plain stupidity. These are not comic ra-ra-radicals, like Woolfie in Citizen Smith, they intend to really commit murder, and act accordingly. The genius lies in allowing the characters to glimpse their own contradictions, and then carry on regardless.

Morris has described it as the Dad's Army of terrorism, and I think that description fits very well. When their car breaks down it gets blamed on the 'fact' that "Jews invented spark plugs" but the looks of self doubt are enough to give the game away.

One of the great things about this film is that it is a comedy not a thesis on Islamic terrorism. It does not tell you what to think which may come across as amoral or confused to some but I think it comes from the real respect Morris has for his audience.

If you've not seen Four Lions yet, do go, but don't expect it to reinforce your comfort zones. For me the best parts of the films were those that left you unsettled, like when one cell member tells another that he thinks that maybe what they are doing is wrong "but perhaps I'm just confused" or the extraordinary, disturbing ending which leaves you oddly uplifted and yet uncomfortable as you confront the idea that the people who do terrible things are indeed just that, people.

The long shadow of a Tory government approaches

Well, people say they don't like the Punch and Judy of oppositional politics so this time it looks like the game's going to be changed with Cameron playing the Crocodile and Clegg as the string of sausages. Great family fun no doubt.

It's smiling faces all round at the Lib Dem and Tory Headquarters as yet more white men in suits gather round making deals for the country's future. Due to the Lib Dem set up this means they could be having a special conference as early as this week to ratify their cooperation with the Conservatives.

Whether this means a formal coalition or some sort of quid pro quo we have yet to see. We also do not know as yet what concessions Lib Dem leader Nick Clegg may have won from Cameron in return for his support. A commemorative tea towel perhaps.

Oh, and by the way, to those friends of mine who've told me today they regret voting Lib Dem on Thursday... it's too late, you can't take it back now.

Sunday, May 09, 2010

Elecion Misc

A few more items I've spotted that are worth checking out as I get my stats hat on properly;

  • First expenses scandal of the new Parliament. Nadine Dorries.

  • Caroline Lucas says her hero is... Margaret Atwood.

  • Darryl of the Greenwich Greens has some thoughts on his election night.

  • The Independent says Nick Griffin's future is in doubt after the BNP's poor showing.

  • Luna 17 rounds up the results for the left.

  • Some Green council gains; Tess Green gained Southville Bristol, with more than 33% of the vote, after she lost by just six votes in 2007. Jonathan Essex gained a seat in Reigate, as did Adam Pogonowski in Cambridge City. In Reading Rob White won our first seat. In Hullbridge Michael Hoy had a "shock gain" from the Tories and Ann Lovejoy in Watford.
Incidentally, people keep talking about a 'progressive coalition' but surely progressive politics is more than simply being anti-Tory? Do the Greens, for example, *really* share significant economic policy with the Lib Dems and Labour... if not surely an alliance s impossible.

Election maths: N. Ireland

Just to follow up on that last post I thought I'd just flag up what happened in the region that is officially described as Northern Ireland.

So we can see that even in a relatively small region the system acts to favour some parties at the expense of others.

The DUP get the most MPs but did not get the most votes. the Ulster Conservatives and Unionists get more than 100,000 votes yet get no representation at all, while the SDLP who got a little more than them gain three MPs and the Alliance who won less than half their votes do win representation.

This just isn't working for me I'm afraid.

Saturday, May 08, 2010

How our voting system works

There's lots of talk about voting reform at the moment, so I thought I'd take a quick look at some of the numbers at the General Election just gone.

One interesting set of statistics is how many votes it took each party to gain each seat. When we divide the total national vote by the total national seats each party got you get a very interesting chart.

Democratic Unionist Party 21,027
Labour 33,350
Sinn Fein 34,388
Conservative 34,989
Social Democratic & Labour Party 36,990
Alliance Party 42,762
Plaid Cymru 55,131
Scottish National Party 81,898
Liberal Democrat 119,788
Green 285,616

The majority of MPs are elected from parties who all take a very similar number of votes for each elected MP. The average number of votes it takes to elect an MP is 42,554.

That means each Scottish Nation Party MP takes 2.46 times as many votes to get elected as each Labour MP. Every Lib Dem takes 3.59 as many votes to get elected and the Green Party needed a whopping 8.56 times as many votes to get their stars elected as each Labour timeserver.

That doesn't even include all those parties who didn't achieve any MPs at all, for example UKIP got almost a million votes but instead of finding themselves in the driving seat of government instead they find their electoral engines stalling and plummeting to Earth.

It takes more than a quarter of a million votes to return one Green MP,
but only 33,000 to return one for Labour.

If all the parties took as many votes as Labour to get an MP elected the DUP would have three less MPs but the Greens would have seven more, the SNP and Plaid eight and two more respectively, the Tories fifteen more and the Lib Dems would find themselves with an extra 147 MPs knocking around the House.

Perish the thought.

Mind you, if we put it the other way round if it took Labour as many votes to get their MPs elected as the Greens they'd have just thirty. It's funny how the Tories and Labour have never got round to changing the system isn't it?

Some more election links

Before I get to some of the number crunching and other thoughts here's a few more election links I've spotted;

  • What next for Caroline Lucas and the Green Party? Guardian
  • Interesting piece on Lib Dem Voice about the choices ahead of them.
  • Darrell wonders if members are being excluded from the discussions.
  • An interesting look at the elections in N. Ireland. Splintered Sunrise.
  • Susan Press points out that Labour left candidates did quite well.
  • The Daily Mirror looks at the BNP results.

Friday, May 07, 2010

Election links misc

This is not a proper round-up just a few links I've spotted before I trudge off to yet another count...

  • The very best graph of the election. BBC
  • Local election results have started come in. It's Labour who are making gains. BBC
  • Monbiot thinks Caroline Lucas has lifted the Green jinx. Guardian.
  • A message for Nick Clegg. Liberal Conspiracy.
  • Best election picture. Laptop for every donkey.
  • The BNP's results look poor to piss poor. Tory Troll.

Green shoots: a little bit of history

I'm pretty exhausted and my election is anything but over as I have local election counts to attend. It's been an extraordinary election which has been extremely difficult for the Greens. We fought a hard campaign and fought it well, but this election has been defined by the 'excitement' or should that be 'fear' of a change of national government.

The Guardian's facile endorsement of the Lib Dems came to nothing and that Liberal moment was the dog that didn't bark as the yellow surge saw the Lib Dems lose MPs rather than gain them.

However, while the Green vote was squeezed hard around the country (more on this over the weekend) the big news of the night is that the Greens, despite all the odds, have made history with their first ever Member of Parliament.

Caroline Lucas, one of the most accomplished and talented politicians in the country, took Brighton Pavilion. Sadly she will not be joined by the likes of Salma Yaqoob or Dr Richard Taylor but it is now the job of the party to turn that first MP into a resurgent movement that is prepared to stand up for what is right in the face of an incoming austerity government.

Name Party Votes % +/-
Caroline Lucas Green 16,238 31.3 +9.4
Nancy Platts Labour 14,986 28.9 -7.5
Charlotte Vere Conservative 12,275 23.7 +0.4
Bernadette Millam Liberal Democrat 7,159 13.8 -2.2
Nigel Carter UK Independence Party 948 1.8 +0.6
Ian Fyvie Socialist Labour Party 148 0.3 -0.1
Soraya Kara Citizens for Undead Rights and Equality 61 0.1 +0.1
Leo Atreides Independent 19 0.0 +0.0
Majority 1,252 2.4
Turnout 51,834 70.0 +7.7


You can watch Caroline acceptance speech here.

Thursday, May 06, 2010

Dr Suess Selection Box: Day Six

Vote for what you believe in

“You have brains in your head. You have feet in your shoes. You can steer yourself in any direction you choose. You're on your own. And you know what you know. You are the guy who'll decide where to go.”

Wednesday, May 05, 2010

Dr Seuss Selection Box: Day Five

Almost done! Keep it up.

“You're in pretty good shape for the shape you are in.”

Tuesday, May 04, 2010

Dr Seuss Selection Box: Day Four

Keep it up

“I have heard there are troubles of more than one kind. Some come from ahead and some come from behind. But I've bought a big bat. I'm all ready you see. Now my troubles are going to have troubles with me!”