Friday, November 05, 2010

Wankers live longer

I was reading the Mirror today and saw one of those 'scientific' reports. You know the sort I mean, the kind that prove women are genetically better at folding sheets or that gay people don't exist. Anyway, this one comes from the scientific laboratories of Dr Emmanuele Jannini who previously "discovered the G-spot" and has done no doubt worthwhile research into "female ejaculation".

In other words a tabloid friendly scientist rather than a finding useful things out scientist. As an aside I've always been curious about the way tabloids attack university courses on doctorates in Harry Potter or whatever and lap up scientific reports on whether women are funny or large breasts are interesting, which is surely just as much a waste of intellectual resources... but anyway, back on topic.

So, Jannini has discovered that having lots of sex makes you live longer. Good news for various historical Popes, less good news for Cliff Richard.

Actually it turns out there's a couple of caveats. First of all the research is about men despite the fact that the Mirror just says having lots of sex is good for you. Presumably all their readers are men, in which case that's perfectly reasonable.

It also turns out that it's based on the fact that if you cum a lot (men) you produce more testosterone which, apparently, leads to all sorts of health benefits (which I'm not sure is true but anyway). So the headline could just as well be "wankers live longer" leading to doctors proscribing the five knuckle shuffle.

The second caveat is that it has to be proper married sex not naughty extra-marital sex. No, no really, this is apparently the claim because "unfaithful men do worse because they are "also coping with the increased stress of their infidelity"."

Are we sure that unfaithful men are more stressed than faithful, or single, ones? They *might* be, but what's the evidence for this? How can I be sure that I'm not just reading a ready for tabloid pseudo-science report that says exactly what the tabloids want it to say reproducing their fetid ideology? Oh, I can't.


glenn said...

"prescribing", not "proscribing", right?

Sarah Cope said...

I read a couple of years ago that wanking was good for hayfever. But again, it just said it was good for men - they hadn't done the research on women. Why no research into gusset typing, I wonder? Would gladly offer myself as a subject...

Jim Jepps said...

Oh glenn - you caught me - thanks!

Sarah - good luck with your new career as an experimental subject!

between-the-lines said...

Doctors ought to be regularly prescribing sex (of all kinds), along with more exercise and a greener environment.

Can't think why they don't, surely couldn't have anything to do with being in bed with Big Pharma, could it?

Of course they did used to rightly prescribe beer for health, and our great-grandparents could easily and freely use laudanum and many other now banned natural substances to help them through life.

So much for progress and freedom in recent years!

In 'Savage Messiah', a biography of Gaudier-Brzeska, it tells us (p34) that a French doctor advised Henri the occasional visit to a prostitute would be good for his health. I'm sure it would have been, if he could have managed it!

Anonymous said...

They'll be calling you Methuselah soon then.