Weird news rash

I'm not talking about the cops marching through London either.

Probably the best weird news was that MP Ronnie Campbell wore purple to support national fetish day. Naturally the courageous stance of the Northumberland MP aroused the interest of the newspapers who asked him if he had any fetishes (I bet they hoped he was a spanker). He replied “I must have a thousand but, hand on my heart, I couldn’t tell which is the most important one. Probably the horses.”

Ah yes, the old horse fetish... hold on, what? It turns out MP Ronnie is one of the only people in the country who doesn't know what a fetish is - apparently he thought it was a worry. Well, either way I'm still not sure horses was the right response. He must feel filly now.

Next we have the man who keeps his girlfriend on a leash (pictured). Apparently the pair were hounded off a bus because of "safety fears". The company say they were concerned that passengers could be put at risk if the bus braked sharply, um, really? I mean they're idiots obviously, but are they really putting the bus in danger?

In more bus related news Mexico has started a grope-free bus service. Actually this isn't as weird as it sounds - women getting harassed on Mexican buses is a big problem apparently so now they're instituting women only buses - very sensible - and it follows a previous decision to have women and children only carriages on tube trains.

Less sensibly a version of the three little pigs has been snubbed by a panel of judges because stories about pigs are "offensive to Muslims". The Three Little Cowboy Builders was seen to be culturally insensitive because it used pigs as the main protagonists.

It was also thought it might be offensive to builders, with one judge saying "Is it true that all builders are cowboys, builders get their work blown down, and builders are like pigs?" Please, there are real issues of Islamophobia in this country, stories about pigs is not one of them, and frankly builders can look after themselves.

However, by far the weirdest story has to be the survey into attitudes around pre-marital sex. As a nation we are becoming more "tolerant" of sex before marriage apparently. 70% of people had "no objections to pre-marital sex - up from 48% in 1984" which shows Britain is becoming a more liberal place to live.

Hold on though... 70%? That means three people in ten *do* have objections to pre-marital sex. I do know people who believe sex only belongs within the confines of marriage but there is absolutely no-way it's 30% of the people I know - it's not even 3%. If this was a survey of Bishop's I'd think it was about right but there is just no way this can be accurate. Can there?

I think there must be something in the water at news HQ or something - how else do we explain this sudden spate of weirdness. Perhaps they're just trying to distract us from the stock market crash. What next - life on Mars stories?