Saturday, February 03, 2007

Spanking: good fun?

I've always liked the idea of a good spanking. One of my favourite stories from the Russian Revolution involves a quadruple rank of sailors, bayonets bristling, threatening to spank the Menchevik MP's who were demanding to come through their line. [link lines 114 to 129]

Blimey, steady onBut whilst the idea of a pair of soundly paddled buttocks can clearly raise a frisson of creative sexual tension, in some quarters, the actual practice can have a tendency to fail to live up to expectations. I expect. I can't say the prospect of red raw, flabby cheeks delivered, ham acting style, by a frayed and inexpert fake-madame does much except to raise a blush. Of embarrassment.

An idle day dream of a flexed cane or snapped ruler can spark a thrill, but the genuine possibility of being soundly beaten by a master practitioner of flagellation seems a rather thin gruel compared to an authentically carnal liaison. Or is that just me?

Having fun is something invaluable in every aspect of our lives and clearly sexual fantasy is part of that. But imagine the horror of some over the hill Lothario, flaccid member in hand, resplendent in judge's wig and strategically parted robes. It's enough to put you off your butt
ie, isn't it?

You may say the accoutrement's of playful wickedness, the fluffy handcuffs, silk blindfold or studded leather choker are simply spicy accessories to help sate an otherwise jaded palette. Perhaps you're right, but I wonder where the root of the attraction lies.

You know you want it!The old stereo type of the elite white male in a powerful job by day and lashed to a dungeon rack by night can't be all the answer surely. Although, having said that, I've always assumed High Court Judges insatiably seek out ever more esoteric deviations. I believe it's how they get the job in the first place.

So many people get a cheap thrill from flirting with soft sadomasochistic ideas that it can seem positively unorthodox at times to desire rather plainer and more straightforward pleasures.

Does the desire to submit perhaps come from the desire to be desired? To be the object of another's overwhelming passion and attention. The skill of an accomplished aficionado involves the provocation of the senses, forcibly extracting unwilling confessions and dark pleasures. I would have thought.

I wonder where the skill of the passive subject lies? To strain against their bonds without breaking them, to arch their back or bite their lips in aesthetically pleasing ways? To signal their pleasure whilst being absolved of all responsibility for those desires. Rewarding their captor with the medals of a successfully conducted campaign.

Someone once described sex as two people trying to climb inside one another. Leaving aside the poverty of their ambitions I think it is this desire to be touched beyond the bounds where our natural self defence mechanisms will normally allow perhaps brings us towards the kernel of why the pleasure of submission is so attractive to many. Why the idea of the ruthless disciplinarian raises the prospect of a safe space where we are not just the object of exotic passion but are simply not allowed to raise our hands to keep others at arms length... More on this another time.

10 comments:

John said...

Goodness Jim: what will the stroppies think?

stroppybird said...

And what are you implying Mr Angliss ;-)

I think its a very good post. Jim is one of the few male leftie bloggers to talk about sex in such a personal way.I do though note a few 'I so I believe ' type comments, so not letting on what he has actually tried.

S&M is a very wide area of practice . Anything from fluffy handcuffs to dungeons. Personally I see nothing wrong with a little fantasy. though I would draw the line at dungeons myself;-) . I remember lots of criticism of this from rad fems.Some lesbians I knew who were into S&M were criticised as oppressing women, let alone women in straight relationships.
I am not sure a bit of fantasy/spanking/role play is an indication of whether a woman is oppressed in a relationship (if its consensual and don't forget roles can switch). Its more to do with what goes on outside the bedroom.

stroppybird said...

Plus im sorry but vanilla sex can get a bit boring done everytime. Well thats my opinion. Better shut up I think before its TMI ;-)

Disillusioned kid said...

Have you ever seen this?

Yeah, an anrchist dominatrix!? Go figure.

Jim Jay said...

stroppy: the point about what goes on outside the bedroom is where women's oppression is I think a fair one... although I wouldn't like to take it all the way (as it were) I think it can be useful to look at sexual practices to see how gender roles function and possibly some of their negative consequences - but where the rad fem stuff has sometimes been problematic is that it can mirror a kind of victorian moralism and can have a censorious attitude to the choices people make freely.

they are all naughty and must be disciplined...

SB "vanilla sex can get a bit boring done everytime..." you see that's the sort of sentance that needs a "I've heard" or "or so I believe" in it so it doesn't reflect badly on anyone in your life, cough, cough.

Thanks for the link DK, it's a good interview - I actually linked to it on a previous post about prostitution but it is well worth highlighting again, so if people haven't read it, I recommend taking a look.

stroppybird said...

"I think it can be useful to look at sexual practices to see how gender roles function and possibly some of their negative consequences - but where the rad fem stuff has sometimes been problematic is that it can mirror a kind of victorian moralism and can have a censorious attitude to the choices people make freely."

I agree. Im not saying oppression can't happen in the bedroom. I also think gender roles can lead be oppressive in terms of what women are supposed and not supposed to do or like. Look at the ways women are still often judged more critically than men. A man can be a stud , a woman a slut.

"SB "vanilla sex can get a bit boring done everytime..." you see that's the sort of sentance that needs a "I've heard" or "or so I believe" in it so it doesn't reflect badly on anyone in your life, cough, cough."

What I meant is that however good something is if you only do that it can get boring. I like really nice expensive chocs but if that is all I ate I would soon get bored :-) Variety in all areas of life is good. That comment was not a reflection on anyone in my life ;-)

Jim Jay said...

The stud/slut thing is certainly still with us, although probably not accompanied with the same drastic social aprobation as in the past... but I suppose it also extends to sexual practices...

tries to think of examples...

I wonder if there is a different expectation put on a woman to perform fellatio than a man to engage in cunnilingus for instance? I hear in straight couples the pressure to "allow" anal sex is growing without any seeming reciprocal arrangement being in place.

I agree on doing the same thing all the time, I was of course joshing, and perhaps that's where the lines between play and fetish come in where there is a difference, I think, between having fun doing a particular thing occasionally and actually only wanting to do that thing.

John said...

Jimjay: "I hear in straight couples the pressure to "allow" anal sex is growing without any seeming reciprocal arrangement being in place."

Would the reciprocal agreement be satisfying for either party?

Jim Jay said...

John: "Would the reciprocal agreement be satisfying for either party?"

Well, I believe there are some people, on both sides of the gender divide that can find the experience enlightening.

Although perhaps, to be clear, I really meant that most of that kind of pressure seemed to go one particular way (ie women being pressured to do things they are not necessarily keen on) rather than wanting to get into specific acts - although these comments boxes are for use in whatever way you see fit. Within the bounds of respectable indecency of course.

stroppybird said...

"The stud/slut thing is certainly still with us, although probably not accompanied with the same drastic social aprobation as in the past... but I suppose it also extends to sexual practices... "

I noticed the other week on a leftie blog someone refer to danielle lloyd as a 'slag'. Now the real issues should have been about bullying/racism/stupidity. Why use 'slag' as an insult . Not sure how she sleeps with or how many is relevant.

Just a recent reference I have noted.

Most male leftie blogs (this one excepted) shy away from talking about sexuality in its complexities or related to themselves.