Three stories sort of connected by race

1. Well, Obama should be the head honcho today, but who's going to be his significant other? Please, please, please God do not let it be Hillary Clinton. I'll start going to church and everything - even that dodgy one Barack goes to. Thanks mate.

The most audacious guess at the Democratic VP spot I've seen so far is Oprah Winfrey and, despite all my perfectionist-sectarian tendencies, I've warmed to the idea. Personally I think it is going to be a woman, and Oprah is very popular and was being pressed to stand for President by her supporters only last year.

I also doubt it will be Hillary - particularly after her "you know I might get lucky and he'll be assassinated" quip. I don't want a VP who's mooted the lovely day of getting the President's job because of a racist assassins bullet frankly. I mean I'm not saying she'd actively arrange it. I'm thinking it - but I'd never say it.

2. According to Tory MP Daniel Kawczynski the reason there's been a rise in racist attacks on Poles is because the BBC is not racist enough. Fact.

You see, according to the Shrewsbury MP, racism against Polish people is on the rise because the BBC has focused on "White Christians" who don't deserve to be beaten up - rather than nig nogs who do. Cough.

Although another reason for the statistical increase in attacks could be that there are more Polish people here than there were a few years ago. Added to that the media has completely kow-towed to the racist agenda on immigration albeit in a respectable, middle class "we know what we can and cannot say" way.

Personally I don't care which side of a line on a map you come from and I think it's distasteful to think that you can protect "your own" by ensuring others are victimised first. His whole argument rests on the repulsive idea that it's not the Poles you should be racist against - it's all the non-white non-Christians - they're the buggers. Pick on them.

3. Animal rights activist and National Front supporter Brigitte Bardot has come a cropper in the courts again for being a foul racist.

She's been convicted in a French court for inciting racial hatred. She is really fed up with all these naughty brown folk “I’ve had enough of being led by the nose by this whole population which is destroying us, and destroying our country by imposing their ways.”

I expect there are quite a few people who've had enough of you too Brigitte, it is your fifth racist offence after all. It's sad they only saw fit to impose a fine.

She's also landed up in court on other occasions, apart from when baiting Muslims. Like the time she had a neighbor's donkey castrated (while she was "looking after it") on the grounds that it was sexually harassing her own donkey.

Come on. Leave the donkeys alone.