Do you feel afraid, anxious or worried? You shouldn't!

I had an interesting hand delivered letter drop through my letterbox today asking me "Do you feel afraid, anxious or worried?" and cordially inviting me to a "neighbourhood meeting" in order to help "turn this area around, turn it into a place we can all enjoy living in and feel safe in."

The police will be at the meeting to ensure no one robs us while we innocently go about our business and members of the council's anti-social behaviour team will also be in attendance, no doubt to ensure we all go through the chair when we speak. No misbehaving you at the back. Yes, you.

I'm all for people in the local area getting together to build something constructive and a bit of community spirit, but seeing as this is the safest town I've ever lived in I find it ludicrous being asked; "Are you fed up with disturbances, violence, theft, abuse, graffiti, littering, noise, "anti-social behaviour" in our area?... Are you concerned for your kids safety?" Well, the answer is no. I'm not fed up with things that either hardly ever happen or are so irrelevant that they don't even impinge on my consciousness.

Of course, like all reasonable people, if I were to see a criminal-type engaged in littering this green and pleasant land I would birch the bugger and be done with him, just as I know you would dear reader, but let's keep things in proportion.

Why am I being sent a letter that is deliberately attempting to make me feel frightened in a low crime area? This is probably the nicest part of Cambridge to live in (although certainly not the poshest). These people need to get out more... but of course they can't because they've triple locked themselves in haven't they, for fear of all the foreigners, students, and gay people loitering around just waiting for an opportunity to make a "disturbance".

A gang of us will be going to this meeting to propose group hugs, relaxing meditation sessions and suggest we don't erect the razor wire just yet to keep out all those imaginary unsavory types. We don't need more police patrols, we don't need any crack downs and we certainly don't need a bunch of council bureaucrats issuing ASBOs like there's no tomorrow.

We need to enjoy ourselves more. We are much more likely to deepen community spirit when we do something positive than if we start peeping out of our windows with our camouflage binoculars and tutting at the local "youth" (who's name is Sam).

I don't want anyone to "turn this area around" because it's the one part of Cambridge that actually has some semblance of community spirit and diversity. I already enjoy living here and like most people feel completely and utterly safe.

All areas have crime but these people look like they are on the war path and are as likely to create divisions in the community as any improvements. They are clearly idiots and must be hugged immediately.