Why we need ID cards

The thing that the anti-ID card people don't seem to understand is that in this increasingly dangerous world we really are going to need ID cards. It's an unfortunate thing but sometimes freedoms need to be curbed for the wider good.

Take the Home Office's latest proposal for the mass lobotomisation of the UK population. There really are a lot of unhappy people around at the moment, and the government wants to help them relax. All this critical thinking is doing us and them no good at all.

They have already prepared a crack team of a thousand specialist surgeons and the production lines are almost ready to go. Each of these 'happy joy technicians' as they will be called (and who can argue with that?) will have been rigorously trained on one of Group Four's especially designed weekend courses - and their zero hour contracts are bound to give them the incentive to keep efficiency and safety to a maximum.

The operation has already been trialed on John Reid (pictured) and it just goes to show that government policy really does have our interests at heart.

Of course, once we've all had the operation we'll need a small card with our name and address on it, otherwise how would we get home?

If the anti-ID card brigade get their way we'll all be wandering the streets like drooling zombies not knowing who we are, where we are going and totally open to a terrorist attack that could come at us from any direction at any moment, no matter where you are - and that's political correctness gone mad.